The Ridiculous Lies and Tall Tales of Harry Potter
by Kinglourious
Summary: After Harry sees something he wasn't meant to see, effectively a witness to one completely unbelievable incident, his reputation quickly falls to pieces, as the disbelief spreads through the Wizarding world. "I'm completely traumatized" Harry sobbed.


**A/N****:** I'll be honest this is a verifiable crack fic, though it wasn't really intended to be. I decided to post it because, well, I'm just curious to see what others think of it. But of course it's probably completely ridiculous but the only way to find out is to READ IT! :)

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><p><strong>The Ridiculous Lies and Tall Tales of Harry J. Potter<strong>

Harry knocked on the door of the office of his long time friend, Hermione Granger, who had taken up residence in the Hogwarts Castle after she had become the History of Magic Professor shortly after graduating. While he waited for her to open the door he entertained himself by staring at a spider climbing up the stonewall, whereby it reached the top and promptly fell off with a tiny scream. It was then that he realized that out of the countless times he had visited Hermione she had never taken so long to answer the door. It was a conundrum. Was she in trouble? Should he be planning a rescue mission?

He knocked tentatively once more. No answer. He knew what he had to do. He drew his wand and turned the door handle cautiously. He peered round the door. The room was empty. All he could see were the wall-to-wall bookshelves, double stacked with all kinds of literature, the stuffy armchair strewn with an abandoned wool blanket. Hermione was not here.

He moved slowly into the room. A few detective spells revealed nothing out of the ordinary. He crept towards Hermione's bedroom door. He opened it.

He screamed.

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><p><strong>HEADLINE NEWS! HARRY POTTER HAS LONG-AWAITED BREAKDOWN! <strong>

On Friday afternoon last week, hailed hero of the wizarding world and the Boy Who Lived Twice, Harry Potter, was spotted by bemused Hogwarts students and staff, running through the castle screaming like a lunatic. Students at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry reported that Harry Potter had been shouting about something so unbelievable, inconceivable and ridiculous that the newspaper cannot reprint it here. Many suspect that the Boy Who Lived Twice is having some sort of mental breakdown.

One Hufflepuff student was quoted as saying, "We really think he's gone round the bend. Absolutely bonkers. The stuff he said he saw. It just…no, it just couldn't have happened."

Another staff member said, "I suspect all the dark magic has finally gotten to his head. The accusations he was making, well, they're just completely improbable. There's no other answer he's gone loony."

So has Harry Potter gone mad? Well, this reporter thinks so.

Some food for thought for my delectable readers: if Harry Potter is lying about something like this then who's to say that he didn't lie about a whole host of other things as well? I've always had my suspicions...

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><p><strong>HARRY POTTER TALES CALLED INTO QUESTION!<strong>

The Is-Harry-Potter-Crazy saga has come to a head. The Wizarding World has been taken by storm as a wave of new theories about what really happened during the Second Wizarding War have arisen. Did Voldemort really return? Were we really at risk of imminent doom? Following the dramatic events whereupon the now infamous Boy-Who-Lived-Twice ran through Hogwarts declaring a "truth" so unbelievable it called into question his sanity, a large group of angry protestors have stationed themselves outside of Harry Potter's home. The group of protestors, lead by Draco Malfoy, are demanding to know the truth. If Potter has only begun to reveal himself as a liar now, what of the years before this incident? Were they a lie too?

The leader of the dissenters, Mr Malfoy, was glad to provide some of his thoughts: "I've always suspected Potter was hiding something. I mean, those descriptions of the war, of Voldemort, even of the supposed spells he used, they always seemed really unrealistic and fantastical to me. I'm not even sure the war really happened at all anymore. Even when we were good friends in school he always had a really active imagination. I would even go as far as to say he may have been a pathological liar."

Other sources validate Mr Malfoy's claims. Even now, this reporter wonders whether all those "Dark" years really were as dark as some have claimed…

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><p><strong>POTTER STRIKES BACK!<strong>

In light of recent accusations Harry Potter has made an angry statement proclaiming his innocence. The Infamous Hero recently held a press conference outside his Godric's Hollow abode where he addressed recent accusations of deceit.

"I made up an entire war. What about the people who died? Did they just vanish into thin air? I kidnapped them and hid them in my closet!"

Unfortunately the crowd got out of hand at that point and began to demand Potter release the people he had kept captive. The Boy-who-may-not-live-thrice chose that moment to escape.

Aurors are now on the trail of Harry Potter who is suspected to be on the run.

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><p><strong>LETTERS FROM DAILY PROPHET READERSHIP<strong>

Dear Prophet

I was present at that Press Conference and I'm quite certain I heard Harry Potter say:

"Why on earth would I make up an entire war? What about the people who died? Did they just vanish into thin air? You're probably going to accuse me of kidnapping them and hiding them in my closet, next- " After that the crowd began rioting. But I also saw Draco Malfoy rallying them up before hand. I'm not sure who to believe anymore but I'm pretty sure Harry Potter didn't say he was hiding dead people in his closet.

_From Confused_

My life is a lie! The world is coming to an end! Who will save us from this tyranny?

_From the Apocalypse is near_

So if everything is a lie? Does that mean that Ron Weasley never existed as well? I always thought he sounded too ridiculous to be real! I mean who has red hair these days?

_From never seen a ginger_

To whom it may concern

My name is Hermione Granger and I'd like to sort out this entire debacle. I'm afraid the blame lies with me. What Harry saw was-

"Rubbish, this is all rubbish!" Rita Skeeter, sensational investigative journalist for the Daily Prophet crumpled up Hermione Granger's letter without a moment's hesitation before slam dunking it into her rubbish bin.

"Where's the scandal? The drama? Has anyone got any more news on the Harry Potter case? Has anyone found him yet?" She demanded of the small, rotund man at the foot of the desk.

"No, we're still looking. But it looks like this story's gone out of control."

"Yes, it's media gold! It's newspaper heaven! I will be remembered forever as the woman who brought truth to the lie of Harry Potter!" Rita Skeeter laughed maniacally. Her assistant was afraid.

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><p>Hermione Granger lowered the newspaper with trembling hands. It now read: <strong>RON WEASLEY NEVER EXISTED! <strong>She glanced over at her breakfast companion who was smirking ever so slightly as he sipped his no-sugar- no-milk black coffee.

"Severus," She said, looking at Snape with wide eyes. "This has gotten completely out of hand. We have to say something."

"I think Potter has said it all."

Hermione sighed in frustration. "Oh it's ridiculous! They're mad, the lot of them! This whole country is insane! How can they believe that the Wizarding War never happened just because-because!" Hermione was so outraged she was rendered speechless.

"Because Harry Potter walked in on us kissing and the thought was so utterly unbelievable and against all the laws of the universe that it caused the entire Wizarding world to question his sanity?" Snape asked, taking another smirking sip of his drink.

Hermione deflated. "Yes. Is it so utterly unbelievable?"

"It is. But then again, miracles usually are." He said quietly, setting his coffee down and then after awhile picking up the paper to snigger a little at the artist's impression of Harry Potter's imaginary friend, Ron Weasley.

Hermione smiled slightly. "It's not funny, Severus."

"Oh but it is, Hermione. It really is." And the world suddenly became improbable as the two least likely people to ever fall in love kissed once more.

**HARRY POTTER SPOTTED SMUGGLING DRUGS!**

**The End. **

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><p>HARRY POTTER TAKES READERS WHO DON'T REVIEW HOSTAGE! ;)<p> 


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